Erotic Hypnosis Negotiation Guide

This is a template for an hypnosis scene negotiation. I actually walk through this whole thing every time I play with someone for the first time. It's a good way to make sure our interests line up and that my skill-set matches what the hypnotee wants. Some of the items on the list aren't relevant for every scene and can be skipped, but it's good to be on the same page--"we're skipping the pain section, okay?". There's nothing so hot as someone looking up into your face and saying “I trust you” and nothing worse than “wait—I trusted you! I didn't want you to vomit in my mouth! We're never playing again!”
At the bottom of this document is a shorthand negotiation that you can use to play with someone with whom you've played before. It cuts out some of the items that are less subject to change.

This guide is to be used before hypnosis starts. Do not bring someone out of trance mid-scene to re-negotiate. This is unacceptable due to the hypnosis hangover; people are still suggestible right out of trance, which makes any negotiation invalid as if they were drunk. If you think of something you really want to do mid-scene that you didn't negotiate, negotiate it next time. If you're worried that there isn't going to be a next time, you should probably think about why that is. If it's an insecurity, you should leave it at the door and not pressure your subjects with it.

Before you start your negotiation, think about this: consent with hypnosis gets kinda complicated. We play with the power of suggestion, and must refrain from doing so in negotiation. Note how all of the questions in the negotiation are phrased with options of equal weight and has “outs” that don't ever require a disagreement or “no.” I, myself, go so far as to avoid specifically soliciting people to be hypnotized by me. “May I hypnotize you?” requires a “no” to decline, whereas “let me know if you want to do a hypnosis scene,” only requires a “thanks” and silence to decline, which is easier. “No” can occasionally be hard, especially with a pre-established power dynamic of “I hypnotist, you subject.”

Once all parties involved have established preliminary interest in an hypnosis scene, proceed through this guide.

Names and Pronouns

What is your name? What would you like to be called in this scene (name/scene name/title/pet name)?
What are your preferred gender pronouns (she/her, he/him, they/them, xi/xir, etc.)? What gender pronouns would you like for me to use for you in scene (she/her, he/him, they/them, xi/xir, it/it's, etc.)?
Note: asking someone their preferred gender pronouns is not the same as asking them their gender. Pronouns are simply the language someone prefers to have used for them, and it is always polite and encouraged to ask for someone's pronouns.

State of Mind

How are you today?
How do you feel about playing with me today?
Are you happy and in a good mental space to play today?
Have you ingested any drugs and/or alcohol and/or any other mind altering substances?
Note: topping or bottoming hypnosis or any BDSM is not recommended while under the influence of any mind altering substances as results become less predictable.

Time Constraints

How long are you imagining this scene will go?
Do you have any time constraints?

Participants

Of which parties is this scene comprised?
How many people are in this scene?
Are other parties allowed in the scene (if so, who, and how may they be involved)?
Note: it is recommended that hypnotists minimize their number of subjects in trance at any time for attention purposes. Multiple hypnotee scenes may, however, be accomplished safely with sufficiently experienced hypnotists and hypnotees.

Safewords

What safe words do you like to use?
Do you like the stoplight system?
What does "red" mean for you?
What does "yellow" mean for you?
Note: during scene, the hypnotist should actually program in and reenforce these safewords for good measure. See 10 Hypnosis Safety Suggestions Everyone Should Use.

Language/Topics/Phobias/Allergies to Avoid

Note: Use your judgment on these questions. Some of them may be important and others may not. I ask about allergies when suggestions or scenarios might involve moving around a room or food or animals, but don't bother if my hypnotee is going to be sitting in a chair in the middle of a clean empty room for the whole scene not fantasizing about peanut butter or shell fish. Similarly, I don't bother asking about phobias if I don't plan on using any particular imagery or interacting with anything or anyone.

Do you have any allergies that are relevant for keeping you safe here?
Do you have any phobias that it would be good for me to know about?
Are there any words or phrases that I should avoid calling you or using? (Stupid, slut, mommy, coward, Rosebud, Professor Snape?).
What general areas or topics should I avoid (racial slurs, family, etc.)

Physical condition

Do you have any injuries or physical limitations that I should be aware of (bum knee, cuts/bruises, soreness, etc.)?
Are you on any medications that I need to be aware of (ones you have to take soon? Blood-thinners?)
Have you eaten and are you hydrated?
**Make sure to use the bathroom before starting the scene!

Clothing

• What clothing should remain on?
• If you'd like clothing removal, should I take it off you, or should you?
• What clothing needs to remain intact?

Physical contact

Remember: no physical contact is actually necessary for a hypnosis scene, but any contact that happens NEEDS to be negotiated in ADVANCE of trance. There are some types of physical contact that can be very helpful to your induction; hand-hand contact is nice, forehead taps, knee taps, hugs, swaying, etc. are super helpful, massage-level touch can be very helpful, and intimate contact can also be fun. Do not negotiate this in trance, and bringing someone out of trance to re-negotiate doesn't count! If there's something you want to try mid-scene that you didn't negotiate, save it for the next scene.

• Can I touch you?
• If so, where can I touch you?
• Above the clothing or below?
• Where are you okay with touching yourself in front of me?

Sexuality

• Would you like to have an element of sexuality in this scene?
• If so, what does that mean? What are you comfortable with? (Kissing? Hands and/or mouth on external genitals? Fingering? Penetration? Vaginal? Oral? Anal?)
• What about hypnotic sexuality? Hypnotic arousal/pleasure/orgasms?

Fluids

• What fluids are you okay with in the scene? (Saliva, sweat, tears, orgasmic fluids, blood, urine).

Protection/STIs

• Do you have any STIs?
• When was the last time you were tested?
• What protection would you like to use?

Specific play

Trance

• Have you been hypnotized before? Tell me about that.
• How do you communicate in trance?
• What do you like about hypnosis?
• Do you have a preference for how I speak as a hypnotist? Do you prefer clinical speech? Erotic? D/s themes with words like “obey” and “submit?”

Types of Suggestions

• What kind of play are you looking for today? What are you interested in doing?

Here are some categories to ask about that cover most things:

• Hypnotic bondage—making the hypnotee stuck
• Hypnotic characters—making the hypnotee or hypnotist a character
• Memory play—temporarily removing or altering memories, or making the hypnotee not remember suggestions or triggers
• Sensation manipulation—giving the hypnotee sensations that aren't there, or exaggerating sensations that are there. Hypnotic arousal/pleasure/orgasms.
• D/s—elements of domination and submission in the suggestions. Service, control, etc. What about humiliation/degradation? What does that mean?
• Posthypnotic suggestions—giving the hypnotee suggestions that last out of trance. This should be done with caution by advanced hypnotists, and also negotiated separately. Negotiate how long the suggestions should last, where they apply, within what contexts they apply. I'd go so far as to say negotiate and draft specific language for these so that all parties are on the same page before suggestions are put in. Imagine posthypnotic suggestions like writing with a sharpie in someone's head. Talk about it first. Also, don't do therapy. You probably aren't a therapist. Even if you are, don't do therapy in scene. Don't try and “fix” people or help people. The farthest I go down this path is helping people have a good night of sleep that night.

For Any Pain Play

I strongly discourage any but expert hypnotists mixing pain and hypnosis. There are a lot of ways to do mix pain and hypnosis, and a few ways to do it with relative safety. I never mix pain and hypnosis unless my bottom is an extremely experienced pain bottom, and/or hypnosis bottom, and even then, it's tricky. Seek specific instruction from an experienced hypnotist if you don't know how to do this.

• Are you interested incorporating pain?
• What is your experience with pain?
• What are your pain limits like?

For hypnosis, there are three types of pain: real physical pain (with actual impact, pinchy, scratchy, bitey, etc), hypnotic “physical pain,” (“Snapping my fingers and tapping you on the back will make you feel the sting of the flogger just how you like it right where I tap”), and emotional pain (shame, humiliation, sadness, fear, etc.).

• Is there a type of pain that you are interested in?

Real physical pain should be monitored carefully; make absolutely sure your bottom can and will yellow out before attempting. Hypnosis can increase pain tolerance dramatically to the point where people will allow a lot more pain than they intend, sometimes to the point of physical harm. Do not hypnotize people to translate pain into pleasure!
Tip: Develop pain-scale system. I use a ten point scale. What is a ten? What is a five? What number would be your max for the scene?

• What kinds of pain do you like? (Thuddy, stingy, scratchy, hot, cold, pinchy, bitey?
• How do you warm up?

• What toys can I use?
• Can I leave marks?
• If so, where is ok?
• How long can they last?

With hypnotic “physical pain,” it's important to reference specific experiences of pain and describe it such that it feels the way you want it to. Don't leave room for the subconscious to misinterpret and accidentally feed the hypnotee bad pain or overwhelming pain.
For emotional pain, oh my god, proceed with caution. This is extremely edgy. Do not attempt unless you are an expert hypnotist with an experienced subject who has experience with emotional edgeplay outside of hypnosis. Aim for positive suggestions, for example: “and you'll feel the humiliation that you know you love” instead of “and you'll feel terrible humiliation that makes you feel terrible and terrible!” That could just end up being terrible.

Aftercare

• 
  
• What kind of aftercare do you need? (Cuddles vs. space, food and water, blanket, discussion, decompress)
• Will you need transportation somewhere after?
• What kinds of interaction do you need in days to come? (Check in, privacy, space, photos of marks)

Other

• If you start crying, what should I do? (Or, shaking, inability to stand, talk).
• Tell me some things I should know about playing with you.
• Please enjoy your hypnosis play! Let me know what questions you have and what you think I should add.

For a general BDSM scene negotiation, check out... Negotiation Guide
And here's a link to 10 Hypnosis Safety Suggestions Everyone Should Use

How To Have A Successful Ethics Discussion

Here is an outline for the facilitator to create one (of many, I'm sure) successful ways to have an ethics discussion with a group of kinky people. This may also be applicable to other types of discussions with other types of people. This has worked for me really well.

Now, you may not recognize this as an ethics discussion due to a severe lack of shouting and name calling and "you're wrong!" but you might find this works better.



Before the discussion, you, the facilitator, should come up with a list of ethics question that have interested and puzzled you in this topic. The questions should pertain to truly gray areas where you can see multiple points of view on each side, and potentially could be solved by an previously un-invented point of view, system, idea, or clever hybrid.

1. Facilitator, introduce the discussion, yourself, and your preferred gender pronouns.
   "Hello, welcome to the ethics discussion. My name is Allie and I use she/her pronouns."
2. Establish the following hand-signals for the discussion. Have participants practice with you. This actually makes it more likely that participants will use the signals. Do this in good humor so that the participants understand that you know they might feel silly to practice. (But it's not silly. It works. So do it.)



Raised Hand

• Raised hand
• Explain that this symbol indicates that a participant would like to be called on. Inform participants that those who are being respectful will be called on.
•  Also explain that, in an effort to make participation as even as possible, you will be looking for people who haven't spoken or haven't spoken as much and will be specifically soliciting as many new participants as possible, as well as looking for differing viewpoints. 
• Tell participants that you will call on a small list "you, then you, then you," and then they may speak in that order. 
• Request that participants keep their hands down while others are talking to demonstrate that they are listening instead of thinking about what they will say next.

  

  
  Volume to 11

  
  
• Louder
• Ask participants to make the louder symbol, by pointing up repeatedly if they would like the speaker to be louder.
• Inform the group with as much humor as possible that they should then speak at VOLUME 11 for the rest of the discussion instead of fading back to their typical volume. I do this in a comically loud opera/theater voice.
• I Agree

• Ask participants to make jazz hands or sparkle fingers or sign-language applause to indicate that they agree or that what someone is saying resonates with them.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  Point of Process

  
  
• Point of Process
• Ask participants to keep each other on topic with the "point of process" triangle. Point of process indicates that the group should consider moving back to the topic or shifting language.
3. Introduce other "space norms" and discussion guidelines:



Wrap it Up

• Ask participants to speak only when called on.
• Ask participants to limit their comments to under a minute. If they run long, you will give them your own "wrap it up" hand signal, and if they don't wrap it up, tell them you will interrupt them like an Academy Award winner. 
• Ask for I statements about their experiences and ask participants to share anecdotes and let the anecdotes speak for themselves for audience interpretation.  Explain that this creates an understanding of the context of opinions better than stating the opinions themselves. Ask participants to please respect other's anecdotes by only discussing them in this space.
• Ask participants to make their goal to understand where someone else's viewpoint is coming from rather than trying to change their mind or prove them wrong. To do this, have them ask probing, respectful questions.  
• Ask participants to stay on topic and to keep each other in check with point of process.
4. Ask participants (if fewer than 30--which would be the approaching the largest size for this format anyway) to quickly say their name and their preferred pronouns. You can explain that a preferred gender pronoun is the little word that other people use for you in the third person. For example, I am Allie and I use she and her pronouns. You can tell participants that they may ask for a reminder of someone's pronouns at any time, and this is a polite and good thing to do and is different than asking what someone's gender is, because that could be a longer conversation and not necessarily their business.
   
   As they go around, pay attention to the pronouns, and though this style of discussion doesn't involve quite as much "she said, he said," if someone is mis-pronouned in discussion, quickly, clearly, and politely correct the speaker with the correct pronoun and make sure the conversation moves on quickly.
5. Inform the group that you have a list of interesting discussion questions, but that you'd rather hear their ideas. Ask for them to come up with "areas where they, them selves, have faced a confusing ethical dilemma and were not sure how to proceed."
   This creates discussion topics that the audience will be thoughtful about. They will be primed to learn and ask questions and brainstorm instead of primed to spout their pre-existing, controversial opinions and convince the room they're right. It creates a group sense of humility and acknowledges that nobody in the room could possibly know and understand all of the ethics. It calls upon their experiences, which are fact, rather than their opinions, which are subjective, often half-baked, and often hard to change once stated. It avoids a lot of jumping to conclusions and the resulting defensiveness. 
6. As you call on people and facilitate the brainstorm, abbreviate the questions and issues to simple topic titles and write them up on a large, visible notepad or whiteboard. During lulls of the brainstorm, occasionally supplement with your own list items to keep the brainstorm flowing. Do not allow discussion to happen during this period. 
7. Milk the brainstorm until you have 10-15 list items or more than you could possibly discuss in a session twice as long as yours. If someone suggests you move on prematurely, say you're sure they have a few more. As new topics surface in the actual discussion, write them up.
8. Ask for a topic nomination, preferably from someone who has not spoken. Re-contextualize the question, and then begin discussing that topic. 
9. Through discussion, if it feels natural, gently transition to another adjacent or intersectional topic, and star the topics that you've discussed or are discussing in the notes on the board. This helps participants feel like they are making progress and helps them make the connections between topics.
10. If no natural topic shift seems to be occurring, solicit another topic nomination during a lull in conversation. 
11. Throughout discussion, if someone has their hands raised while someone else is speaking, make eye contact with them and kindly gesture for them to put their hand down. Use your "wrap it up" hand signal, especially on people who you've called on a lot. Keep an informal tally of how much each person has spoken in your head and try to call on those who have spoken less or have not spoken in a while before those who have. Go out of your way to make sure women and racial minorities and gender minorities and sexuality minorities have strong representation of voice. 
12. Keep your own voice to a minimum. Make your job to facilitate and move the conversation along. Your contributions should be followup questions to deepen the conversation and clarifications when a participant is unclear or uses unspecific language. Ask for examples and anecdotes. If you want to make a point in the discussion beyond facilitation, call on yourself in the call-order and hold yourself to higher, stricter standards than everyone else. You are not teaching ethics; you are facilitating a discussion. 
13. Watch for time, and call on the last two or so comments about five minutes before the session ends. 
14. Close the discussion by noting how many cool topics you've gone through, how much you, personally, have learned from the participants. Thank them for their anecdotes. Leave them with a final ethics question to ponder as the walk out the door (maybe one you've refrained from putting on the board in the first place). Thank them for being respectful and tell them to have an awesome day. 

10 Safety Suggestions Every Hypnotist Should Use

10 Safety Suggestions Every Hypnotist Should Use

I've been having a lot of discussions recently about Hypnosis safety. There are a bunch of different schools of thought about discussing abreactions (unexpected and/or bad reactions) that may occur, and how to prevent them or prevent them from being a problem if they do occur.

School of thought #1 (which I have seen very often): If you don't talk about stuff going wrong, stuff won't go wrong. Discussing abreactions in front of subjects has actually been proven to increase abreactions.

School of thought #2: While it is true that discussing abreactions with hypnotees may seed ideas that don't really need to be there, abreactions (which aren't necessarily ever bad if the hypnotistsis paying attention, and I will be referring to these as "the Unexpected" henceforth) can happen whether or not the hypnotee knows about them and hears about them a lot, and the only prevention is an active prevention with suggestions and an educated hypnotist.

Having seen The Unexpected happen with brand-spanking-new hypnotees with no discussion of The Unexpected, I have to be in school #2. School of thought #1 seems a lot like rhythm and prayer--it may reduce the risk, but it doesn't prevent The Unexpected from happening. The best method for keeping hypnotees and hypnotists safe and happy is for hypnotists to educate themselves on responding to The Unexpected (which is mostly about paying attention, empathy, and improvisation), and putting in suggestions to prevent The Unexpected.

So, while I do avoid mentioning abreactions to hypnotees, and I certainly don't tell them the stories that have led to each and every one of these suggestions being created and put on my "always use these" list, there's still a list. Here are the suggestions that I always use, and I would suggest that you use them, too. Please feel free to use them, contextualize them, and adapt them to your play.

These do not take place of a hypnosis-specific negotiation! Do your negotiation before putting someone into trance at all!

1.) Safeword Suggestions

These suggestions give the hypnotee a trigger that not only allows but compels them to safeword if they need to. It is imperative that this is not just an allowance, but a compulsion. Word this in a way that does not create a stigma for safewording! Use "if something could be better," not "if something is wrong."

Yellow:
This can be modified slightly depending on how the hypnotee defines their "yellow."
"Whenever you are in this trance, if at any point in time you would like to check in, alert me that I could do something to make you happier and safer, change a suggestion that I've given you, or make the scene better, it will seem perfectly automatic to say the word 'yellow.' Saying the word 'yellow' is an automatic process that your conscious mind doesn't even need to think about, because your subconscious will be compelled to say it aloud. In fact, you may find that if you hear yourself say 'yellow,' whatever suggestion needed to be removed will just fall away, and you'll find yourself ready to check in. This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

Red:
"If at any point in time it might be better for you to be out of trance or for the scene to end, it may seem perfectly automatic to say the word 'red.' Saying the word 'red' is an automatic process that your conscious mind doesn't even need to think about, because your subconscious will be compelled to say it aloud. In fact, you may find that if you hear yourself say 'red,' you will find yourself coming out of trance on your own. This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

2.) Only my voice

This is a suggestion to make sure that the hypnotee is only listening to the desired hypnotist's suggestions. This can be reworded slightly depending on whether the hypnotee has only one play partner or multiple. The point here is to protect the hypnotee from random "splash" from other things being said in the room.

"It will be easy and automatic to accept fun and appropriate suggestions from hypnotists of your choosing. When playing, you will find that the voice of the hypnotist you negotiated with is the only important and influential voice in the room.  This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

3.) Articulate Check-In

This suggestion ensures that the hypnotee can and will check in if the hypnotist needs them to. Particularly with subjects who go deeply into hypnosis in a way that makes it difficult for them to speak lucidly, this will help. Some subjects find that a suggestion like this can also help them collect their thoughts.

"Whenever you're in this state and you have something to say to check in, or I ask you to check in by saying 'it's time to check in,' you may find it easy to speak, and easy to articulate what you would like to say. It will seem perfectly automatic and easy to respond to the questions that I ask that you want to answer. This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

4.) Not Mind Control

This helps reinforce the safe word suggestions, but it's good to add this suggestion in outside the context of safewording. This gives the suggestion that they don't even have to safeword to ignore a suggestion that they don't like.

"If at any point in time there is a suggestion that your subconscious mind does not want to follow, the suggestion simply will fade away, ignored, and you will find yourself relaxing back down into this wonderful sleep state [or whatever the hypnotist wants you to do]. This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

5.) Coming Out of Trance

This is good for bathroom breaks and fire drills, among other things. Again, this reinforces the safeword suggestions, but makes it so that they know they don't even have to safeword to get out of trance if they need something quickly.

"If, at any point in time, you find yourself preferring or needing to be out of trance for any reason, you may find yourself quickly coming out of trance awake, and alert, and feeling good and ready to do whatever you need to do. This is a perfectly automatic process for you to come out of trance if you need to come out of trance. This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

6.) Bodily and Space Awareness

This is super important, and gets overlooked a lot. While I'm refraining from story-telling on a lot of these points due to School of Thought #1, this one has a really good (and harmless) story to tell-- One reason for this suggestion is that I once hypnotized a pretty pretty girl in a short short skirt to think she was a cat, and this was not in an erotic context where it was socially acceptable for her bare ass to be presented to the world--but she was a cat, and cats tend to be on all fours and, well, mini-skirts, man.
Even if you are in a context where it is socially acceptable for pretty girls to be flashing the whole room while meowing, this is still super duper important for other reasons, and if you'd like more details on that, PM me. I'd go so far as to say this is one of the most important suggestions on this list.

"Another process that you subconscious does automatically is taking care of your body. You may find that your body will keep itself safe, always aware of the limitations of your space, your clothing, and your physical ability. It will also make sure to take into account the well-being of the other people and items in your space. This is an automatic process that your body will take care of without you thinking about it at all. This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

Also, (thank you for reminding me, StoryEyes) it's good to be clear where you would like the hypnotee to remain in the space while hypnotized. I suggest giving them a suggestion to stay at least in the room.

"You feel safe, warm, and comfortable in this [room, space, chair, etc.], and you may find that there is no need to be anywhere but this [room, space, chair, etc.]. It is a wonderful [room, space, chair, etc.], and you may find yourself compelled to stay in it. If at any point in time you need to be in a different place, you may find yourself compelled to check in with me about it."

7.) Sleep Trigger

Whenever doing hypnosis play, you should have a sleep or freeze trigger that returns the hypnotee to a calm, relaxed, passive, quiet headspace where they can be especially receptive to the hypnotist's suggestions immediately, and un-affected by outside stimulus. I use "sleep" with a finger snap, and it returns the hypnotee to a "sleep" state in a relaxed position. Another part of this suggestion is that going into "sleep" state removes whatever active suggestions were happening. Usually this is implied, so I do it in a more subtle way like suggesting that my hypnotees are "blank" and "relaxed."

"You may find that whenever we are playing and I snap my fingers and say 'sleep,' you will find yourself sinking down slowly and safely into a comfortable, pleasant sleep trance state. Going into a relaxed sleep state is a totally natural response to me snapping my fingers and saying sleep. In this wonderful, relaxed sleep state, you may find yourself more and more receptive to my suggestions every time, finding that my voice is the only important sound in the room. Every time you go into this wonderful, deep, sleep state you may find that you go deeper each time. In this state, you may find your thoughts fade into the background until they aren't there at all as you relax in this warm, comfortable state. This will be true whenever you are in trance, and, in fact, it seems so natural that it may seem like this has always been the case."

I have occasionally needed to use this in contexts where the hypnotee was standing up and moving around, and I've occasionally needed to do it fast--it's good to give hypnotees suggestions about "sinking slowly and safely into a sleep-state position."

8.) Remember What You Want/Need to Remember

Memory play is super neat. I'm a fan. Making someone forget their trigger words or not remember that you fiddling with your pen is making them have an orgasm is a lot of fun. It's also fun to take away someone's memories of a whole session temporarily, so that each time can be like the first time. This can also work for abduction play or consensual non consent (if you do it carefully and thoughtfully!). Whatever your thing is--super cool.
Bringing back memories is a little more complicated. One time, I hypnotized a friend of mine to be a character in a play that we'd been in 8 months earlier, I pulled out the script and read her cue lines, and she remembered every single one of her lines to the letter. So. It works sometimes, but sometimes the mind manufactures random memories. Trying to get people to remember lost memories from a long time ago doesn't necessarily work super well.

Similarly, sometimes thoughts or experiences occur in trance that don't really need to be remembered or aren't intended to be remembered. Whenever doing memory play, I tell my subjects to "remember what they want to remember" when I'm giving them memories back, or to "remember all of the pleasant memories from this experience."

This suggestion is in the context of waking someone up and giving them their memories back.
"In a moment, not now, but in a moment, I'm going to wake you up on the count of ten, and you will be awake, alert, and feeling fantastic. When you awake, you may find that you will remember whatever you want to remember from this amazing experience. The wonderful memories from this experience will be yours to keep. Looking back on this experience will be wonderful."

Or, alternatively:
"In a moment, not now, but in a moment, I'm going to wake you up on the count of ten, and you'll be awake, alert, and feeling fantastic. When you awake, you may find it unimportant to remember the details of your trance--it may all seem like a pleasurable blur. Anything that you absolutely need to know will be accessible to you or may become accessible to you, but everything else about this experience may slip through your thoughts like water through your fingers, like a dream after you wake up, and when you think about today, it will just seem like a pleasurable blur."

9.) Feel Good

Telling someone that they feel good is a good thing to do! (NO WAY!)

"Relax down deeper, notice how your limbs are feeling relaxed, feeling safe, warm, and comfortable. You may find yourself feeling an amazing floating sensation."

I also do:
"In a moment, not now, but in a moment I'm going to tap you on the forehead. My fingers may feel warm, and I'd like you to imagine a wave of warmth and relaxation spreading from my finger tips on your forehead, all over your body, down your neck, down through your chest, your torso, down to your legs, filling you up with peace and warmth. These wonderful feelings will remain with you whenever you are under hypnosis."

Or, alternatively and additionally:
"You may actually find that this state is just a little bit arousing, being here, all warm and comfortable at my mercy. Most of your body may be so relaxed that some parts may be getting more and more active. You may find yourself becoming more aroused, and the more you notice your arousal, the more noticeable it becomes. Being warm and comfortable and aroused and my mercy may make you feel even more aroused. Whenever you're in this state for me, you may find that just being in trance for me is arousing."

10.) Have a great time!

Duh.
"As you relax down and go deeper and deeper for me, your body and mind may be preparing themselves for the fantastic time you're going to have, and may already be having here today. You may find that this is one of most wonderful sensations you've experienced, and you may be looking forward to having the smoking hot memories from today."

And that's my list of the ten suggestions to give hypnotees under hypnosis!
If you have more that you think should go on this list, please tell me.

Here are a few other safety-oriented tips for hypnotists, as well.

1.) Keep your hypnotee happy with you!
Here are some good ways to do that:

• Always pay attention to your subjects. Attend them at all times while they are in trance! Most of the time, this means limiting the number of hypnotees that you are hypnotizing at a time to one. Make sure to keep other people from disturbing your hypnotees, as well.
• Make sure that if your hypnotee is in a standing position when you need to put them in "sleep" state, make sure they either don't fall, or that they sink slowly down, or that you or a piece of comfortable furnature catches them.
• Stick to suggestions that your hypnotee likes!

2.) Ask people why they want to be hypnotized.
If they say "cause it's really fucking hot" or "I'm curious about what it's like to be hypnotized," that's awesome.
I would suggest that you do not hypnotize people who cite the following reasons for wanting to be hypnotized:

• "I just need to be out of myself right now."
• "I can't handle being awake."
• "I'm afraid I might do something bad right now, and I need someone to control me so that I don't."
• "If I'm hypnotized, I won't have to think about my problems."
• Hypnotize people who want to be hypnotized, not people who don't want to be not-hypnotized.

3.) Check in with yourself.
Are you having a good time? Have a good time! If you aren't, stop. Hypnosis is safest if the hypnotist is engaged. Good hypnotists go into trance, too, and that makes us more empathetic and attentive. The best thing you can do for your hypnotee is to have an awesome time and go into trance with them so that you can be as focused as possible. Also, it's more fun that way, and you shouldn't do things that aren't fun. :-P

4.) Do a complete negotiation.
Do it. This will not necessarily make your scene any less spontaneous--in fact, it will keep you from wondering if the stuff you're doing is fun for your hypnotee, and the less you're wondering, the more creative you can be! Any good hypnotist can have an fantastic scene with a negotiation beforehand. The great thing about hypnosis is that you can even hypnotize your hypnotee to not consciously remember the negotiation if you want to do con-non-con. Cool, right? So, do it.
For resources on how to do a hypnosis-specific negotiation, check out the Erotic Hypnosis Negotiation Checklist

Please let me know what else I should add to this!
Thanks for reading, and happy hypnotizing!

Glossary

Glossary of Terms
A (questionably) alphabetical, culturally specific (and biased), ever-incomplete and ever-evolving list  of terms and definitions to be updated regularly. 


Abreaction: An unexpected (and possibly bad) response during a hypnosis scene.

Aftercare: The post-scene activities to return to the real world and typical state of mind. This is different for everyone but can include a discussion, cuddling, snacks and water, a blanket, or space and non-contact.

BDSM: Bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism, and masochism.

Bondage: immobilizing a party or parties using physical or psychological means including but not limited to rope, leather, cages, or even hypnosis.

Bottom: The receiver of sensation or BDSM actions. This comes from the gay male culture of the person penetrating being the top and the receiver being the bottom.

Bunny: Someone who bottoms for rope, typically for demo or practice purposes.

Cultural Appropriation: The incorrect use of cultural traditions or items from a marginalized community which adds to stereotypes and/or disrespects the origins of the culture.

Dom: The dominant party in a scene. A Dom typically enjoys a more psychological or physical control over their partners as opposed to "top" which merely implies an administrative and active role.

Domme: An obnoxious word meant to draw a difference between male Doms and female Doms.

Dungeon: A place for people to do kinky things-- a dungeon typically houses kink furniture such as St. Andrew's Crosses, spanking benches, and cages.

FemDom: An obnoxious word meant to draw a difference between male Doms and female Doms. This might not be obnoxious if male Doms were called MenDoms instead of just Doms.

Fetish: A strong arousal or desire caused by a non-sexual object or situation in and of itself with no sexual context. Many fetishists recognize their fetishes as small children.

Figging: The practice of inserting ginger into the anus. Ow.

Fisting: The act of inserting a fist into a bodily orifice, typically the vagina or anus.

Hypnosis: The intentional art of inducing altered states of consciousness or use of the power of suggestion to create a desired (consensual) response.

Hypnotee: The person being hypnotized. Also known as a subject or bottom.

Impact: A general term for sadistic or sensation-inducing practice of hitting. This includes canes, crops, whips, floggers, spanking, punching, kicking, and car accidents.

Induction: The portion of an hypnosis session which brings a subject/bottom/hypnotee into a hypnotic trance.

Fetish: A particularly strong kink that may be experienced even in young childhood. The subject of a fetish is an object that is not traditionally sexual. Fetishists typically find that their fetish will increase the intensity, fun, or arousal in any activity in which it is involved, and may find it fun all by itself. For example, a rope kinkster may like to be tied up, while a rope fetishist may like everything about rope, down to the smell.

Flogger: A leather whip with a handle and many leather tales. This is a very common tool for impact and create sensations ranging from massage to stingy to thuddy.

Kink: Noun: a deep sexual, cathartic, or artistic enjoyment of practices that do not follow traditional sexual practices. Kinks can be enjoyed with or without sex involved. Kink is also used as a verb: "I kink on that," which means to enjoy something as a kink. Everyone has different kinks. Sexual arousal is not necessary for something to be a kink. For example, many people engage in rope for purely artistic reasons. Others find control cathartic, but not arousing. Some find the headspace or altered state of consciousness associated to be fun. Many do associate sexual arousal with their kinks, though.

Leather: Refers to cowhide clothing, accessories, and implements, and also to a community of people who value alternative sexuality with the added medium of leather appreciation and fetishism.

Leather family: A tight-nit group of people with deep friendships with familial feelings for one another in the leather community.

Modality: Modality refers to whether someone's more visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. There are a bunch of ways to figure out someone's primary modalities. Look forward to a post all about that! For the meantime, look for clues in someone's descriptions. If you ask someone about their bedroom or office and they talk most about the decorations or colors, probably visual. If they talk about layout, textures, or clutter, they're probably kinesthetic. If they talk about how it's in a quiet part of the building or within earshot of their boss, auditory. Another good test is "imagine you're on a beach." Ask what they notice. Once you have established their modality use that sense most in your suggestions and descriptions. "You'll be awake and alert as if you've just stepped out of a nice hot shower." "You'll be awake and alert as if you're half way through listening to your favorite peppy song." "You'll be awake and alert as if you've slept for hours and the sun is streaming through your window."


Negotiation: The discussion between two or more parties to establish consent and limits for a scene or scenes of kinky or sexual activities.

NLP: Neuro-linguistic programming, or neuro-linguistic psychology. This refers to a technique used for reading someone's primary methods of communication in order to communicate on their level. This is also a technique of communicating and sending suggestions subconsciously.

Old Guard: A culture of gay leather men originating in the early 20th century dedicated to ritual, protocol, and militant hierarchy.

OTK: Short for "One True Kink." This refers to someone's favorite kinks that really turn them on a lot, as opposed to kinks they may practice for cathartic, artistic, creative, or social reasons. This could be similar to "fetish."

Patter: Hypnosis monologue in a hypnotic tone made up of casual deepeners, validation, and whatever specific induction or suggestions the hypnotist is using. Patter tends to be continuous and fluid.

PGP: Short for "Preferred Gender Pronouns"

Play: engage in kinky or BDSM or fetish practices.

Playspace: A place to engage in kinky play, such as a dungeon.

Preferred Gender Pronouns: See "Pronouns"

Pronouns: Typically on this blog will refer to preferred gender pronouns. This is the little word someone uses for other people in the third person. For example, she/her, he/him, they/them, xi/xir, etc.

Protocol: Standing rules and traditions in a D/s relationship, such as who sits where, titles and formalities, and physical positions of greeting or offering.

Rigger: Someone who practices tying rope bondage.

Scene: A kinky encounter. A scene begins after negotiation, and ends with aftercare.

Service Top: A person who administrates sensation or other BDSM elements in order to satisfy the wants of the bottom.

Sleep Trance: A state where a hypnotee is in trance with their eyes closed in a dormant, listening position. This does not imply unconsciousness or actual sleep. It's mostly used as a convenient metaphor, and many hypnotists find it easier to concoct deepeners and suggestions when the hypnotee isn't staring at them.

Squick: A verb or noun referring to something that freaks you out, grosses you out, makes you uncomfortable. "That's a squick for me," or "that squicks me."

Stingy: Sharp, superficial pain. Stingy tools may cause redness of skin, welts, possible skin breaking, and superficial bruising.

Sub/ Submissive: The submissive party in the scene. Someone who wants to serve, submit, or be broken to their dominant. A submissive tends to have appetites to be controlled or subjugated or commanded.

Sub Drop: Negative or un-energetic emotions that can occur after submitting, bottoming, or entering sub-space. This can occur immediately after the scene or in days following. This can look like fatigue, depression, anxiety, sadness, or lack of satisfaction, among other things.

Sub Space: An altered state of consciousness brought on by the act of submission or bottoming. This can be an endorphin-fueled state that feels euphoric and can also come with side effects like heightened suggestibility and submission.

Thuddy: Deep muscle pain. Thuddy tools may cause redness of skin, superficial bruising, deep bruising, and, unfortunately, bone breakage, but try to avoid that.

Top: A person administrating sensation or other BDSM elements. This comes from the gay male culture of the person penetrating being the top and the receiver being the bottom.

Trance: An alerted state of consciousness notable for creativity, relaxation, and suggestibility. Most people experience trance while driving, reading, or staring at fire. This can be achieved through meditation, hypnosis, prayer, exercise, reading, etc.

24/7 Relationship: A relationship that incorporates heavy dominant and submissive themes and protocols into every day life every day.

Negotiation Guide

BDSM and Kinky Scene Negotiation Guide

Use this guide for your negotiations whenever you are playing with a new partner to establish consent and limits for the relevant and desired activities. Go through the whole thing each time you're with a new partner--this is intended to remind you of items to negotiate and doesn't actually take very long because there will be sections and questions that you can skip entirely. Take notes if you need to. For ongoing or recurring partners, you can also use our shorthand template at the bottom of this document. Do not answer "whatever" to any of these questions. If your partner answers "whatever," I suggest you say something snarky like "great! I've always been looking for someone who will let me vomit in their mouth!" so that they understand the mistake they've made. 

Please let me know if there's something you think I should add to this list. 

Meanwhile, this document should also be supplemented with scene-specific information.

Also, use common sense, please.

Enjoy your scene!

Names and Pronouns

• What is your name? What would you like to be called in this scene (name/scene name/title/pet name)?
• What are your preferred gender pronouns (she/her, he/him, they/them, xi/xir, etc.)? What gender pronouns would you like for me to use for you in scene (she/her, he/him, they/them, xi/xir, it/it's, etc.)?

Note: asking someone their preferred gender pronouns is not the same as asking them their gender. Pronouns are simply the language someone prefers to have used for them, and it is always polite and encouraged to ask for someone's pronouns.

State of Mind

• How are you today?
• How do you feel about playing with me today?
• Are you happy and in a good mental space to play today?
• Have you ingested any drugs and/or alcohol and/or any other mind altering substances?

Time Constraints

• How long are you imagining this scene will go?
• Do you have any time constraints?

Participants

• Of which parties is this scene comprised?
• How many people are in this scene?
• Are other parties allowed in the scene (if so, who)?

Safewords

• What safe words do you like to use?
• Do you like the stoplight system?
• What does "red" mean for you?
• What does "yellow" mean for you?

Language

• Are there any words or phrases that I should avoid? (Stupid, slut, mommy, coward).
• Are there any general areas of topic that I should avoid (racial slurs, family, etc.)

Physical condition

• Do you have any injuries or physical limitations that I should be aware of?
• Are you on any medications that I need to be aware of (ones you have to take soon? Blood-thinners?)
• Have you eaten and are you hydrated?

Clothing

• What clothing needs to remain on?
• Should I take it off you, or should you?
• What clothing needs to remain intact?

Physical contact

• Can I touch you?
• If so, where can I touch you?
• Above the clothing or below?

Sexuality

• Would you like to have an element of sexuality in this scene?
• If so, what are you comfortable with? (Kissing? Hands and/or mouth on external genitals? Fingering? Penetration? Vaginal? Oral? Anal?)

Fluids

• What fluids are you okay with in the scene? (Saliva, sweat, tears, orgasmic fluids, blood, urine).

Protection/STIs

• Do you have any STIs?
• When was the last time you were tested?
• What protection would you like to use?

Specific play

• What kind of play are you looking for today? What are you interested in doing? (Impact, Bondage, Hypnosis, Sensation, Role Playing?)
• What role would you like? (Top, bottom, Dom, sub, Inspector, puppy, Professor Snape)

For Any Pain Play

• What is your experience with pain?
• What are your pain limits like?

Tip: develop pain-scale system to use with first time partners. What is a ten? What is a five? What number would be your max for the scene?

• What kinds of pain do you like? (Thuddy, stingy, scratchy, hot, cold, pinchy, bitey?)
• How do you warm up?
• What toys can I use?

Marks

• Can I leave marks?
• If so, where is ok?
• How long can they last?

Soft Limits

• What types of play would you like me to check in about mid-scene?
• What types of play could be brought up depending on how the scene goes?

Hard Limits

• What types of play do you absolutely not want to do now or possibly ever?

Sub Space

• Do you go into subspace?
• Do you anticipate going into subspace?
• What should I do if you go into subspace?
• What is your communication like in subspace?
• If you start crying, what should I do? (Or, shaking, inability to stand, talk).

Aftercare

• What kind of aftercare do you need? (Cuddles vs. space, food and water, blanket, discussion, decompress)
• Will you need transportation somewhere after?
• What kinds of interaction do you need in days to come? (Check in, privacy, space, photos of marks)

Short Hand Negotiation Checklist for Ongoing Partners

Use this if you've already played with someone a few times.

State of Mind

• How are you today?
• How do you feel about playing with me today?
• Are you happy and in a good mental space to play today?
• Have you ingested any drugs and/or alcohol and/or any other mind altering substances?

Time Constraints

• How long are you imagining this scene will go?
• Do you have any time constraints?

Safewords

• Check in about safewords

Physical condition

• Do you have any injuries or physical limitations that I should be aware of?
• Are you on any medications that I need to be aware of (ones you have to take soon? Blood-thinners?)

Clothing

• What clothing needs to remain on?
• What clothing needs to remain intact?

Physical contact

• What are you comfortable with for this scene?

Sexuality

• What are you comfortable with for this scene?
• What does sexuality mean to you?

Specific play

• What kind of play are you looking for today?
• What are you interested in doing?
• Interested in pain play?
• Thuddy or stingy? (Impact, Bondage, Hypnosis, Sensation, Role Playing?)
• What role would you like? (Top, bottom, Dom, sub, Inspector, puppy, Professor Snape)

Limits

• What are you not interested in for the night?
• What might you be interested in?

Sub Space

• Do you think you'll go into space in this environment?

Aftercare

• What kind of aftercare do you need? (Cuddles vs. space, food and water, blanket, discussion, decompress)
• Will you need transportation somewhere after?
• What kinds of interaction do you need in days to come? (Check in, privacy, space, photos of marks)

Note:

If you're playing with someone for the first time, it's always a good idea to make sure you have a buddy in the space, and/or make sure your partner has an emergency contact number for you.