Inductions! (Courtesy of XX Erotic Hypnosis Peershare)

The following is a write-up of the notes and ideas from the XX Erotic Hypnosis Peershare.  The XX Erotic Hypnosis Peershare meets on the 2nd Sunday of the month at 3PM at Wicked Grounds cafe on 8th and Folsom in San Francisco. People who are new to hypnosis should come at 2PM to get the Hypnosis 101 language, terms, and practices.

The Topic of the Month on 11/9/14 was....Inductions!

Here are some inductions that folks shared at the peer-share munch and how and when they might be used most effectively. After most inductions, immediately begin deepenrs and then safeties. 

Focus Inductions: 

Eye Fixation/Eye Fatigue (easy, 1-3 min)
This is the classic pocket watch, candle, crystal, finger wave, or spiral induction. Ask the hypnotee to watch whatever thing it is and not to move their head. Keep the object slightly above eye level. Patter about how their eyes might start feeling tired. If it's in the evening, ask them what time they woke up and point out that their eyes have been open for a long time today. If the room is dim, point that out. If they have glasses, point out how wearing glasses might make their eyes tired. Give the suggestion that they might start blinking more often and that every time they blink, it feels better and better and it's harder and harder to open their eyes again. When they're blinking a lot or their eyes look glazed, fluttery, or bloodshot, tell them that they can relax/close their eyes. A forehead tap (with consent) or finger snap with "sleep" works, as well. Begin deepenrs immediately.

Eye Contact (intermediate, 1-3 min)
This induction plays off the idea that humans don't really like holding eye contact for longer than about five seconds. Eye contact is tied in with dominance and submission, and a hypnotist can use eye contact and attention to induce trance. This induction could go a little something like this:
"Look into my eyes. Don't look away. Did you know that humans don't really like to hold eye contact for longer than about five seconds? You may start noticing around now the urge to look away, but please keep looking right back into my eyes. After about five seconds, the flight or fight or fuck response kicks in, but you're not doing any of those things right now, so you may start feeling more and more like looking away, but please keep looking into my eyes. You may be noticing how nice it would be to close your eyes so that you don't even have to look away, but please keep your eyes open right now. Your conscious mind doesn't like thinking about looking into my eyes for this long, so it may be drawing on your subconscious so that you don't have to think. The deeper into trance you go, the more it feels like your eyes are already closed..." Look for bloodshot, glazed, or fluttery eyes, and then, with consent, tap them on the forehead and say "sleep" and begin deepeners. 

Relaxation:
Good for quiet, intimate settings and mood-setting

Handshake #1 (intermediate, 1-3 min)
Reach out to shake their hand. Once their hand is in yours, turn it palm towards their face, and move it quickly towards their face. "Watch your hand moving towards your face and feel all of the tension drain from your body. Feel your arm relaxing in my hands. When your hand touches your face, you can sink down into a deep, relaxing trance." Begin deepeners. 

Massage Induction (easy, 5+ min)
With lots of very specific physical contact consent, this can be paired with any guided meditation or progressive relaxation type induction. This induction consists of giving the hypnotee a massage and using the massage to bring out relaxation and trance. Draw attention to the relaxation and positive sensations in each muscle. In an erotic context, the hypnotist can also bring forward feelings of arousal. "Your skin will feel more and more sensitive as I touch you, warming you up, bringing the blood to the surface. Every time I touch you it will feel better and better." "My hands will melt away the tension in your muscles, replacing them with feelings of calm energy and pleasant floaty sensations." Transition into other deepeners. 

Progressive Relaxation (easy, 4+ min)
Verbally draw attention to each part of the body and instruct the hypnotee to relax that part of the body. Start with toes and work your way up. "And now feel your ankles relaxing." With particularly attentive subjects, the hypnotist can ask that the hypnotee see if they can feel their pulse, and then try to feel it in those specific areas of the body. That might be especially effective for kinesthetic hypnotees. Visual hypnotees might respond well to imagery of a glowing ball of warm relaxation energy flowing through their toes, ankles, etc. The hypnotist can use imagery of the tension flowing down out of them into the ground, or have the subject feel heavier and heavier, or lighter and lighter. 
This induction takes a long time, and isn't necessarily more effective than shorter inductions. It might be good for someone who wants to calm down a lot. Abbreviated or at full length, this can be a good deepener. 

Confusion/Distraction/Overload:
Good for analytical and busy-minded people.

Accelerating numbers (easy, 1-2 min)
This is a good induction for analytically and mathematically minded subjects. "I'm going to say a number, and I want you to say the number after me. So when I say one..." They say one. The hypnotist can then count upwards going faster and faster. It's okay to make patterns and then break them. It's okay to backtrack. Once the hypnotee is getting a little glazed, firmly command "sleep!" and begin deepeners immediately. 

7+/-2 (intermediate, 2-5 min)
This classic induction for analytic, busy minds plays off the idea that the conscious mind can only hold 7 plus or minus 2 items (somewhere between 5 and 9, that is) in it at any given time. When the conscious mind gets overloaded, it begins to rely on the subconscious, which handles tons of things at once, such as walking, breathing, and emotions. 
The hypnotist can begin this induction by explaining the premise. "And we're going to see how many your mind can hold." The hypnotist should then slowly begin drawing the attention of the hypnotee to different things. "I'd like you to start by listening to the sound of my voice, which you are already doing, good, and now I'd like you to pay attention to your breathing. In your head, every time you breathe in, I'd like you to count one two, and when you breathe out, three four. Good, and listening to the sound of my voice. Next, I'd like you to pay attention to how your hands feel in your lap. Feel the temperature, the air around them, how they feel on that fabric, and don't forget to pay attention to your breathing. Next, I'd like you to pay attention to the ticking of that clock, and while you're listening to that, make sure to be paying attention to the sound of my voice, and the feel of your hands, and counting your breathing one two, three four. Very good."Try to pick items that cater to different modalities, but heavier on their modality. For example, with a more auditory person, choose some items like sounds in the room or a song that they know playing in their head. For kinesthetic people, draw their attention to the feel of their tongue in their mouth, the temperature in the room, their butt in the chair. For visual, do their nose, their hair in their face, the light level in the room. This induction can also be combined effectively with the eye contact induction. Just start with "look into my eyes. Did you know that humans in this culture only like holding eye contact for about five seconds..." etc., and then eye contact is one of the 5-9 things for them to pay attention to.
This is a simple induction in theory, but challenging to execute for new hypnotist because it requires a mastery of "patter"-- the ability to yammer and improvise indefinitely, and to remember all of the items on the list. A hypnotist can make it easier for themself by adding the suggestion "and in the silences when I'm not talking, your mind will be constantly reminding itself all of the different items to remember." 
Ramping up to the end of the induction, the hypnotist can suggest how nice it would feel to not have to keep all of these items in their mind, but to keep trying for now. When the hypnotee looks sufficiently glazed or blinky, tap them on the forehead and say "sleep, and let all of the items fade from your mind leaving only my voice, and go deeper," and continue deepeners. 

Laughter (hard, 3-6 min)

Use laughter as an induction. This induction works best when there's a group of people around or involved. This also works best on people who enjoy laughing and being silly.

One way to do this induction is by being genuinely funny, god forbid, or the hypnotist can, instead, start building suggestions that things that aren't actually that funny are funny. "Have you ever noticed how difficult it is not to laugh when someone tells you not to laugh? And have you ever noticed how it's hard not to smile when you're thinking about not smiling?"  Once the hypnotee is laughing, the hypnotist can then suggest something like, "The funniest number, the number that makes you laugh more than anything, is the number ten. Can you count your fingers please?" and have them do it slowly. Or "this set of car keys has an intrinsic property that it's funnier the closer it gets to this table," and then move the keys closer and farther away from the table. Create incremental increases--"keeps getting funnier," fingersnap, "and funnier," finger snap. Choose a moment when the hypnotee is laughing hysterically (preferably sitting or rolling on the floor laughing), and then tap them on the forehead and say sleep, pushing them gently into a more relaxed position. Begin deepeners immediately.

This is marked as hard because this requires a lot of charisma and comedic timing and this induction can sometimes result in people glaring at you, stone-faced.

Kinesthetic:
Good for touchy people.

Hand Pass + Face Touch (intermediate, 1-3 min)
Use a combination of passing a hand in front of the hypnotee's eyes and stroking their forehead with downward motions along the cheek. Optional: ask the hypnotee to hold eye contact, but suggest that they can start blinking and closing their eyes as it feels natural. Flow into calming deepeners. 

Catalepsy (hard, 1-3 min)
This is only marked as hard because I'm terrible at it. It's probably intermediate. The idea here is to find the natural hovering resting places of someone's limbs. With consent, lift someone's wrist up, and move the arm around, feeling for when their arm goes limper. Feel for natural hover points in their range of motion--we all have spots where, when placed there, our limbs tend to hover naturally. When you find one through this movement, stick the limb there. Then patter about the arm lowering itself naturally and getting heavier, and the weight bringing them into a trance. Begin deepeners.

Sensation Manipulation (easy, 2-5 min)
This can be done a bunch of different ways. The general idea is to take a sensation that the hypnotee is already feeling, and change or increase it. A good way to start is to ask them to put their hands together, with eyes open or closed, and then put your hands around theirs. Ask them if they can feel the warmth. Lighten the grip on their hands and ask them if they can still feel it. Move your hands a tiny bit away, and they should still be able to feel the warmth, and you can even suggest that the hands are getting warmer. Keep slowly moving your hands farther away suggesting that they can still feel warmth in their hands. You can then change the sensation by, for example, saying that the warmth is spreading to other parts of their body, or that they'll experience a cooling effect instead.
This creates results in a waking trance/waking suggestibility that the hypnotist can use or turn into a "sleep trance." 

Hug Sway (intermediate, 2-4 min)
After negotiating consent, invite the hypnotee into a hug. Notice their breathing and the way they sway, and mirror it. Slowly make calming downward strokes on their back with your hands. Begin adjusting the sway to subconsciously get them used to following instructions. This is trance provoking on its own. The hypnotist can then use other physical suggestions and cues to lead the hypnotee to do what they want, or transition to verbal suggestions.

Revivification:
Good for people who've already been in trance

Favorite Pass Time (easy, 2-5 min)
This induction plays off the idea that when we are doing something that we love, we go into a "flow" state, or trance. This also plays off the idea that creating vivid imagery induces trance, and that we can experience some of the most vivid, colorful imagery of things that we love doing.
Ask the hypnotee to close their eyes and imagine something that they love doing. Then lead them through that experience, making it more vivid and real and joyful for them. Help them bring out the positive emotions. Move from here into deepeners. 

Remember Previous Trance (easy, 1+ min)
This can be done two different ways. One way is simply to ask the hypnotee to remember what trance feels like. Help them conjure back the feelings of being in trance, and, surprise, they'll go into trance quickly.

The other way is to ask them to remember a specific trance experience, preferably a pleasant and recent one. Ask them to tell you about it. Ask them to describe feelings from it, actions, sounds, etc. Bringing back a specific experience that happened while in trance will trigger trance both by recalling an experience in detail (like the Favorite Pass Time induction) but also recalling a trance, specifically (like the Favorite Pass Time induction, but more explicitly).

Pretend You're Hypnotized (easy, <1min)

This is the easiest induction in the world. Ask the hypnotee to close their eyes and pretend they're hypnotized. Move into deepeners after quietly high-fiving yourself.

Shock:
Good for especially susceptable people or people who are already in trance or well primed, or have especially good hypnotist-subject rapport

Handshake #2 (intermediate, < 1 min)
After negotiation and physical contact consent, ask them if they want to be hypnotized. Reach out your hand as if to shake theirs, maintaining eye contact. Put your other hand on their shoulder. When they grab the hand to shake, pull it towards you and down, and say sleep, guiding them downward into your shoulder (not letting them collapse to the ground--ever). Begin deepeners immediately. 

"Put Your Hand on Mine" (easy, < 1 min)
Put out your hand palm up. "Look into my eyes. Put your hand on mine. Press down. I'm going to count down from five. With every number, press down twice as hard. Ready? Five, four, three--" Somewhere between four and one, pull your hand out from under theirs, and at the same time, with the other hand, quickly but gently tap them on the forehead or push their face a little downward and say "sleep." Begin deepeners immediately.

Testers/Convincers:

Pendulum (easy, 1-2 minutes)
Give the hypnotee a pendulum--anything with a string or chain and a weight at the end. Favorites are crystals and pocket watches. Have the hypnotee hang the pendulum from two fingers. Patter about how the hypnotee's subconscious will automatically begin swinging the pendulum in a pattern. Notice what the pattern is and allow the hypnotee to notice, and then give the suggestion that the swinging pattern might change. 

Heavy/Light Hands (easy, 1-2 min)
Have the hypnotee close their eyes. Ask them to put both arms straight out in front of them. Then ask them to imagine that one wrist has a heavy chain and a cement block attached to it, weighing it down, heavier and heavier. Ask them to imagine that a balloon is tied to the other wrist, now a whole bunch of balloons, making that wrist lighter and lighter. Keep describing this. They may move one arm up and the other arm down. The manner with which and the amount that they do this may give you a good idea how to proceed next; whether to continue with sensory manipulation like this, or to try a different style. If they don't move, you can smoothly and seamlessly move on to a new induction without letting them know that that's what you're doing. If their arms do move or you feel like continuing, ask them to open their eyes and see how their hands have moved, and then ask them to close their eyes again, only, this time, ask them to imagine both arms are heavy and as they get closer to their lap, they can feel all the tension of straining against the weight fade from their body and they can relax down into a nice, relaxing trance.

Magnetic Hands (intermediate, 1-2 min)
Ask the hypnotee to put both hands out in front of them facing each other, about a foot apart. Ask them to imagine that there's a super powerful electromagnet on each palm, pulling the hands towards each other. "Now I'm going to put a big rubber band around your hands." Mime stretching a thick rubber band and putting it around their hands. Then, tell them you're turning up the magnet. Put another rubber band on. Tell them it's taking more and more effort to keep their hands apart. When the hands are getting close together, hypnotist can push them together and say "sleep."

Sticky Hands (intermediate, 2-3 min)
Ask the hypnotee to put their palms together and suggest that they keep them together firmly. For a while and in detail, ask them to pay close attention to the way their hands feel together. Draw attention to how their hands look together, and to imagine that there's glue between them, rubber bands around them, and suggest that they're so strong, that if the hypnotist tried, they couldn't get the hands apart. Test that. Have them push them together so hard that the hypnotist can't pull them apart. Next suggest that they're so stuck together, as if in cement, that not even they can pull them apart and test that. 

When an Induction Doesn't Work...

Try something else. If an induction doesn't work, say "Great, good job. Next, we're going to..." and begin another induction. Do not acknowledge that something didn't work. Do not allow them to think they've done poorly. Always indicate that they're doing well. If they act like they don't think they're doing well, distract them by telling them they're doing great! Don't lie. If someone thinks you just couldn't tell that it wasn't working, you lose credibility.  A good trick is to avoid telling the hypnotee what you're looking for in terms of success. If you do a Sticky Hands induction and their hands don't stick, it would be best if you didn't tell them they were supposed to stick in the first place. If you didn't tell them, you can make it look like part of a greater exercise.
When you start a new induction, try something different than before. If you did a convincer, try a distraction induction, or an eye fixation.  If you did relaxation, try something faster or use different modalities. Check in with open-ended questions like "tell me about that," not "did that work for you?"

Got a favorite induction? Share in the comments.

How To Have A Successful Ethics Discussion

Here is an outline for the facilitator to create one (of many, I'm sure) successful ways to have an ethics discussion with a group of kinky people. This may also be applicable to other types of discussions with other types of people. This has worked for me really well.

Now, you may not recognize this as an ethics discussion due to a severe lack of shouting and name calling and "you're wrong!" but you might find this works better.



Before the discussion, you, the facilitator, should come up with a list of ethics question that have interested and puzzled you in this topic. The questions should pertain to truly gray areas where you can see multiple points of view on each side, and potentially could be solved by an previously un-invented point of view, system, idea, or clever hybrid.

1. Facilitator, introduce the discussion, yourself, and your preferred gender pronouns.
   "Hello, welcome to the ethics discussion. My name is Allie and I use she/her pronouns."
2. Establish the following hand-signals for the discussion. Have participants practice with you. This actually makes it more likely that participants will use the signals. Do this in good humor so that the participants understand that you know they might feel silly to practice. (But it's not silly. It works. So do it.)



Raised Hand

• Raised hand
• Explain that this symbol indicates that a participant would like to be called on. Inform participants that those who are being respectful will be called on.
•  Also explain that, in an effort to make participation as even as possible, you will be looking for people who haven't spoken or haven't spoken as much and will be specifically soliciting as many new participants as possible, as well as looking for differing viewpoints. 
• Tell participants that you will call on a small list "you, then you, then you," and then they may speak in that order. 
• Request that participants keep their hands down while others are talking to demonstrate that they are listening instead of thinking about what they will say next.

  

  
  Volume to 11

  
  
• Louder
• Ask participants to make the louder symbol, by pointing up repeatedly if they would like the speaker to be louder.
• Inform the group with as much humor as possible that they should then speak at VOLUME 11 for the rest of the discussion instead of fading back to their typical volume. I do this in a comically loud opera/theater voice.
• I Agree

• Ask participants to make jazz hands or sparkle fingers or sign-language applause to indicate that they agree or that what someone is saying resonates with them.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  Point of Process

  
  
• Point of Process
• Ask participants to keep each other on topic with the "point of process" triangle. Point of process indicates that the group should consider moving back to the topic or shifting language.
3. Introduce other "space norms" and discussion guidelines:



Wrap it Up

• Ask participants to speak only when called on.
• Ask participants to limit their comments to under a minute. If they run long, you will give them your own "wrap it up" hand signal, and if they don't wrap it up, tell them you will interrupt them like an Academy Award winner. 
• Ask for I statements about their experiences and ask participants to share anecdotes and let the anecdotes speak for themselves for audience interpretation.  Explain that this creates an understanding of the context of opinions better than stating the opinions themselves. Ask participants to please respect other's anecdotes by only discussing them in this space.
• Ask participants to make their goal to understand where someone else's viewpoint is coming from rather than trying to change their mind or prove them wrong. To do this, have them ask probing, respectful questions.  
• Ask participants to stay on topic and to keep each other in check with point of process.
4. Ask participants (if fewer than 30--which would be the approaching the largest size for this format anyway) to quickly say their name and their preferred pronouns. You can explain that a preferred gender pronoun is the little word that other people use for you in the third person. For example, I am Allie and I use she and her pronouns. You can tell participants that they may ask for a reminder of someone's pronouns at any time, and this is a polite and good thing to do and is different than asking what someone's gender is, because that could be a longer conversation and not necessarily their business.
   
   As they go around, pay attention to the pronouns, and though this style of discussion doesn't involve quite as much "she said, he said," if someone is mis-pronouned in discussion, quickly, clearly, and politely correct the speaker with the correct pronoun and make sure the conversation moves on quickly.
5. Inform the group that you have a list of interesting discussion questions, but that you'd rather hear their ideas. Ask for them to come up with "areas where they, them selves, have faced a confusing ethical dilemma and were not sure how to proceed."
   This creates discussion topics that the audience will be thoughtful about. They will be primed to learn and ask questions and brainstorm instead of primed to spout their pre-existing, controversial opinions and convince the room they're right. It creates a group sense of humility and acknowledges that nobody in the room could possibly know and understand all of the ethics. It calls upon their experiences, which are fact, rather than their opinions, which are subjective, often half-baked, and often hard to change once stated. It avoids a lot of jumping to conclusions and the resulting defensiveness. 
6. As you call on people and facilitate the brainstorm, abbreviate the questions and issues to simple topic titles and write them up on a large, visible notepad or whiteboard. During lulls of the brainstorm, occasionally supplement with your own list items to keep the brainstorm flowing. Do not allow discussion to happen during this period. 
7. Milk the brainstorm until you have 10-15 list items or more than you could possibly discuss in a session twice as long as yours. If someone suggests you move on prematurely, say you're sure they have a few more. As new topics surface in the actual discussion, write them up.
8. Ask for a topic nomination, preferably from someone who has not spoken. Re-contextualize the question, and then begin discussing that topic. 
9. Through discussion, if it feels natural, gently transition to another adjacent or intersectional topic, and star the topics that you've discussed or are discussing in the notes on the board. This helps participants feel like they are making progress and helps them make the connections between topics.
10. If no natural topic shift seems to be occurring, solicit another topic nomination during a lull in conversation. 
11. Throughout discussion, if someone has their hands raised while someone else is speaking, make eye contact with them and kindly gesture for them to put their hand down. Use your "wrap it up" hand signal, especially on people who you've called on a lot. Keep an informal tally of how much each person has spoken in your head and try to call on those who have spoken less or have not spoken in a while before those who have. Go out of your way to make sure women and racial minorities and gender minorities and sexuality minorities have strong representation of voice. 
12. Keep your own voice to a minimum. Make your job to facilitate and move the conversation along. Your contributions should be followup questions to deepen the conversation and clarifications when a participant is unclear or uses unspecific language. Ask for examples and anecdotes. If you want to make a point in the discussion beyond facilitation, call on yourself in the call-order and hold yourself to higher, stricter standards than everyone else. You are not teaching ethics; you are facilitating a discussion. 
13. Watch for time, and call on the last two or so comments about five minutes before the session ends. 
14. Close the discussion by noting how many cool topics you've gone through, how much you, personally, have learned from the participants. Thank them for their anecdotes. Leave them with a final ethics question to ponder as the walk out the door (maybe one you've refrained from putting on the board in the first place). Thank them for being respectful and tell them to have an awesome day. 

Negotiation Guide

BDSM and Kinky Scene Negotiation Guide

Use this guide for your negotiations whenever you are playing with a new partner to establish consent and limits for the relevant and desired activities. Go through the whole thing each time you're with a new partner--this is intended to remind you of items to negotiate and doesn't actually take very long because there will be sections and questions that you can skip entirely. Take notes if you need to. For ongoing or recurring partners, you can also use our shorthand template at the bottom of this document. Do not answer "whatever" to any of these questions. If your partner answers "whatever," I suggest you say something snarky like "great! I've always been looking for someone who will let me vomit in their mouth!" so that they understand the mistake they've made. 

Please let me know if there's something you think I should add to this list. 

Meanwhile, this document should also be supplemented with scene-specific information.

Also, use common sense, please.

Enjoy your scene!

Names and Pronouns

• What is your name? What would you like to be called in this scene (name/scene name/title/pet name)?
• What are your preferred gender pronouns (she/her, he/him, they/them, xi/xir, etc.)? What gender pronouns would you like for me to use for you in scene (she/her, he/him, they/them, xi/xir, it/it's, etc.)?

Note: asking someone their preferred gender pronouns is not the same as asking them their gender. Pronouns are simply the language someone prefers to have used for them, and it is always polite and encouraged to ask for someone's pronouns.

State of Mind

• How are you today?
• How do you feel about playing with me today?
• Are you happy and in a good mental space to play today?
• Have you ingested any drugs and/or alcohol and/or any other mind altering substances?

Time Constraints

• How long are you imagining this scene will go?
• Do you have any time constraints?

Participants

• Of which parties is this scene comprised?
• How many people are in this scene?
• Are other parties allowed in the scene (if so, who)?

Safewords

• What safe words do you like to use?
• Do you like the stoplight system?
• What does "red" mean for you?
• What does "yellow" mean for you?

Language

• Are there any words or phrases that I should avoid? (Stupid, slut, mommy, coward).
• Are there any general areas of topic that I should avoid (racial slurs, family, etc.)

Physical condition

• Do you have any injuries or physical limitations that I should be aware of?
• Are you on any medications that I need to be aware of (ones you have to take soon? Blood-thinners?)
• Have you eaten and are you hydrated?

Clothing

• What clothing needs to remain on?
• Should I take it off you, or should you?
• What clothing needs to remain intact?

Physical contact

• Can I touch you?
• If so, where can I touch you?
• Above the clothing or below?

Sexuality

• Would you like to have an element of sexuality in this scene?
• If so, what are you comfortable with? (Kissing? Hands and/or mouth on external genitals? Fingering? Penetration? Vaginal? Oral? Anal?)

Fluids

• What fluids are you okay with in the scene? (Saliva, sweat, tears, orgasmic fluids, blood, urine).

Protection/STIs

• Do you have any STIs?
• When was the last time you were tested?
• What protection would you like to use?

Specific play

• What kind of play are you looking for today? What are you interested in doing? (Impact, Bondage, Hypnosis, Sensation, Role Playing?)
• What role would you like? (Top, bottom, Dom, sub, Inspector, puppy, Professor Snape)

For Any Pain Play

• What is your experience with pain?
• What are your pain limits like?

Tip: develop pain-scale system to use with first time partners. What is a ten? What is a five? What number would be your max for the scene?

• What kinds of pain do you like? (Thuddy, stingy, scratchy, hot, cold, pinchy, bitey?)
• How do you warm up?
• What toys can I use?

Marks

• Can I leave marks?
• If so, where is ok?
• How long can they last?

Soft Limits

• What types of play would you like me to check in about mid-scene?
• What types of play could be brought up depending on how the scene goes?

Hard Limits

• What types of play do you absolutely not want to do now or possibly ever?

Sub Space

• Do you go into subspace?
• Do you anticipate going into subspace?
• What should I do if you go into subspace?
• What is your communication like in subspace?
• If you start crying, what should I do? (Or, shaking, inability to stand, talk).

Aftercare

• What kind of aftercare do you need? (Cuddles vs. space, food and water, blanket, discussion, decompress)
• Will you need transportation somewhere after?
• What kinds of interaction do you need in days to come? (Check in, privacy, space, photos of marks)

Short Hand Negotiation Checklist for Ongoing Partners

Use this if you've already played with someone a few times.

State of Mind

• How are you today?
• How do you feel about playing with me today?
• Are you happy and in a good mental space to play today?
• Have you ingested any drugs and/or alcohol and/or any other mind altering substances?

Time Constraints

• How long are you imagining this scene will go?
• Do you have any time constraints?

Safewords

• Check in about safewords

Physical condition

• Do you have any injuries or physical limitations that I should be aware of?
• Are you on any medications that I need to be aware of (ones you have to take soon? Blood-thinners?)

Clothing

• What clothing needs to remain on?
• What clothing needs to remain intact?

Physical contact

• What are you comfortable with for this scene?

Sexuality

• What are you comfortable with for this scene?
• What does sexuality mean to you?

Specific play

• What kind of play are you looking for today?
• What are you interested in doing?
• Interested in pain play?
• Thuddy or stingy? (Impact, Bondage, Hypnosis, Sensation, Role Playing?)
• What role would you like? (Top, bottom, Dom, sub, Inspector, puppy, Professor Snape)

Limits

• What are you not interested in for the night?
• What might you be interested in?

Sub Space

• Do you think you'll go into space in this environment?

Aftercare

• What kind of aftercare do you need? (Cuddles vs. space, food and water, blanket, discussion, decompress)
• Will you need transportation somewhere after?
• What kinds of interaction do you need in days to come? (Check in, privacy, space, photos of marks)

Note:

If you're playing with someone for the first time, it's always a good idea to make sure you have a buddy in the space, and/or make sure your partner has an emergency contact number for you.